1. |
Home Away from Home
02:52
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I made it out of that box of mold and rust
Now short on breath from altitude, not fungus
Or is it still anxiety?
Or maybe lack of humidity?
I don't know if this feels like home
But it sure feels a whole lot closer
Further in distance, but closer to where we both wanna be
And I'll miss you and my family
But I'd be remiss if I didn't say I feel happy
Or at least happier than
When I was breathing mold all day
When I felt like a waste
Wasting my time just doing nothing
Although nothing is the same
I realize change is okay
Sometimes what you need is just changing something
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2. |
Envious
04:32
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Yr goin on a trip
Yr doin well in school
And yr lovin every part of yr job
And yr group of friendz is so damn cool
Even when I'm feeling the same way
Why am I not okay?
Why am I envious?
So envious?
I'm really happy for you
But my brain is wired to feel shitty too
Okay
I'm relatively happy
Okay, not really
But why do I gotta be
Envious? So envious?
Feelin really happy for you
But my brain's tellin me not to
When I'm just sad
And I mean really sad
Everyone seems happy, everyone's so happy
But when I feel I've caught a break
Everyone still seems happier than me
But still why do I gotta be
Envious? So envious?
I'm really happy for you
But my brain is wired to feel shitty too
And I don't really know how yr doin
But I'm so quick to assume
That yr doin fine
When none of us are really doin fine
None of us are really doin okay
So why am I so filled with jealousy?
Why can't I be content
Without a tone of resentment?
Envious, so envious
Even when my life is going decent
My brain abandons reason
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3. |
The New Normal
04:19
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Shit's pretty normal till it's not
I meant to reach out, but I forgot
When hitting up old friends
Becomes as tedious as making appointments
Must be doing something wrong
Could I be a bigger disappointment
Probably and don't think that I'm not gonna test it
Life is pretty normal until someone dies
It only took one tragedy for me to realize
That the second one would be coming way too soon
Just hope it doesn't come for you
Could I be more scared of anything and everything?
Probably not cuz every day we're closer to dying
These cuts on my hands
And these holes in my teeth
And these thoughts in my head
That make it difficult to breathe
And this pain shooting from my back to my feet
Makes it pretty hard to sleep
But that's completely fine by me
Because I'm terrified of my dreams
Could I be more cowardly?
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4. |
Moment of Peace
03:52
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I'd say that I'm losing my mind
But I think it's the god damn opposite
Constantly overthinking and it
Makes me feel hopeless and exhausted
I'm crying and I'm crying
From this fear of dying
And I'm laughing because nothing matters anymore
But nothing's actually changed
I'm just so damn tired of working and striving for
A moment of peace
Another catchy melody
A cure for anxiety
Seems so out of reach
I don't know where I'm going
But I sure as hell ain't staying in this state of mind
It's wearing thin
And that's if and only if
I can truly escape
But nothing's guaranteed
So until then
I'll sit and stew and sing
Another catchy melody
Because that moment of peace
Seems so out of reach
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5. |
Shadows
02:14
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Another drive along the Deschutes
From butte to butte
Wondering how old this will get
Up here the air is a little bit thinner
But it could get a little thinner yet
I've been doing better
I'm still pretty nervous
But I bet
I could worry a whole lot more than that
Like when the early morning mountain shadows startle me
But it's only a cat
Another drive down 97
From town to town
Wondering how cold it will get
Up here the air is a little bit thinner
And I'll probably never get used to it
Although I've been doing better
I'm still a nervous wreck
Still terrified of what could happen to me
When the early morning mountain shadows startle me
But it's just a tree
The ever-present fear of death haunting me
The early morning mountain shadows taunting me
The thought of unconditional happiness mocking me
Cuz I will never live fear free
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6. |
Maybe
01:22
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I'm just a potato
Waiting to grow
Into something other than this lump
Just buried below
Then I might sprout
And you might throw me out
But at least I'll be alive and more colorful
And maybe not so full of doubt
Maybe
Hopefully
I don't know
I doubt it highly
I guess we'll see
Maybe
Maybe
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7. |
Beer and Shame
01:54
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I work for free beer and a messy apartment
Not much left at the end of the month when I pay rent
Had ideas and plans but don't know where the days went
I guess I just stayed in bed for the whole god damn weekend
I never thought I'd miss texting my dad
It was always a little bit awkward anyway
But now that he's gone I have so much to say
It's sad and a little bit strange
Life just goes on after such a drastic change
Nothing will ever be the same
Except the fact that I'm full of regrets and beer and shame
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8. |
Everunclear
01:58
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Come February you were already gone
And I wish I had the right words to write you this song
When you were still here, but I didn't know what to say
So I just replied "Okay" when you asked to watch that game
Father of mine
Tell me, where did you go?
You had the world inside your hands
But how could I ever know?
Father of mine
Tell me, what did you see?
It doesn't seem your life was wasted
Just wish it wasn't wasted with me
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9. |
Bridge Over the Creek
03:14
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The bridge over the creek
Was the perfect place to be
You were checking in
Asking me if I was okay
I said "no, but when am I anyway?"
The bridge over the creek
When I just needed a place to breathe
When I just needed to get away
It was the best part of that day
At just the right moment
You brought me a cigarette and a beer
It's still so god damn weird
That his house of 20 years is just down the street from here
I was angry crying
With my spinning
Head leaning
On that rotten mossy railing
Only listening
To the sound of water trickling
And the rhythm of my heart beating
When I heard the gravel tracks
Coming down the path and there you were
Never thought that I would have such a fond memory
Of such a shitty day
Just me, me and you three
Almost made me feel okay
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10. |
Year End Reflection
05:52
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Jesus is another year older
And we're all a little older too
And every year this season gets a little harder
With people dying and others moving farther away
When we wake up on Xmas day
We can't go out and play if there's no snow
Instead we'll think about what could have been
If everything was different
If loss wasn't at the forefront of our brains
I spent 25 years dreaming of a white Xmas
And I just might get it this year
But what does that matter if you can't play in the snow with me?
Cuz you're not even here
And is this time of year more than Rumple Minze in my coffee?
Does it really have to be?
If you're here drinking alpines with me?
Or maybe we'll just have a beer
Our families are looking good these days
Even without the beautiful souls who have gone away
And we've made beautiful additions
I hope they're here to stay
And I hope that I see you so I can say
I love you
I'm here for you
I may be a mess
I may be dope
What are we looking for if not another reason to cope
I may be a drunk
I may not have much hope
What did you get me this year?
Hope it's another method to cope
Being a superfluous spender
Just won't do the trick
It's gotta come from the heart
So I made you this piece of shit
And I gotta say
I'm pretty proud of it
So now we're all a bit older
And life seems a little colder too
And every year gets a little bit harder
With people dying and others moving farther away
We'll see them again someday
And if you need me my love isn't that far away
I'll be there
That's all you have to say
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big sad potato Oregon
Acoustic-ish pop punk-ish solo-ish project of that one guy from Raccoon Venom (not the Jesus lookin' one)
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